The RedRogue Show
by RedRogue
Summary: Hello! And welcome to our first episode of the RedRogue show! Here we shall interview some of our favorite Xgirls, Jean Grey, Rogue, and Kitty Pryde, and hope that the catfights don’t break anything. [Mostly comic based humor, but some movieverse too.]
1. XGirls interview, part 1

A/N: Please forgive me for this bout of silliness, but my fellow X-girls Jeannie-Redd and Russia's-little-Kiska inspired me for a humorous debut, which is totally against anything I have ever done before. This is for you, fellow slushies. Drinks some more Coke…

**-**

**Anastasia**: Hello! And welcome to our very first episode of the RedRogue show! (_Waits for applause to die down) _Alright, here we shall interview some of our favorite X-girls, Jean Grey, Rogue, and Kitty Pryde, and hope that the catfights don't break anything.

**Kitty**: I make no promises.

**Anastasia**: Kitty! Thanks so much for volunteering to be our first one interviewed.

**Kitty**: But I didn't.

**Anastasia: **Great! So, the first thing on everyone's minds is: What up with the Petey fetish?

_(Jean snickers. Kitty seems confused)_

**Kitty**: Pardon?

**Anastasia**: (_Counts_ _on_ _fingers_) Well, according to my sources (which is really only Jean), there is Peter Wisdom, Peter Parker, Piotr Rasputin…

**Kitty**: Okay, that last one is even a real Peter! It's pronounced _Pee-oh-ter,_ people!

**Rogue**: I say it still counts.

**Kitty**: (_indignantly_) Oh, you want to get in on this, Rogue? At least I can count all _my_ lovers on one hand.

_(Rogue turns up her nose)_

**Rogue**: I can't help it. The men-- they love me, sugah!

**Kitty**: Love your _rack_, that is.

**Rogue**: At least I _have_ one!

**Anastasia**: Girls, _girls_! We're not even two minutes into the show yet! Save it for the commercial break… Alright, let's move onto Jean, who fortunately was able to make it here with us today after another miraculous resurrection from the dead… again.

**Kitty**: Why can't she just stay dead?

**Jean**: My, aren't we vicious today? Not enough catnip?

**Kitty**: (_Smiling sweetly with a bit of a twitch in her left eye_) Love ya, Jeannie!

**Rogue**: (_to_ _host_) She has to be on Jean's good side cuz she's her 'sugar' supplier, if ya'll know what I mean.

**Jean**: (_glaring_) That's it, no more alcohol supplied for _you,_ Rogue.

(_Rogue_ _pouts_)

**Anastasia**: MOVING ON! The question for Jean is: Why Scott?

(_Rogue and Kitty lean in, interested_)

**Anastasia**: Sure, he's handsome, smart, loyal, charming, and loves you dearly, but other than _that_, what in the world could you possibly see in him?

**Jean**: Because it drives Logan crazy.

_(Rogue and Kitty nod, as if finally seeing the light)_

**Rogue** **and** **Kitty together**: Ahhhh…. That makes sense.

**Anastasia**: No, it doesn't. If you want to be with Logan, why don't you just go with Logan?

**Jean**: It's not in my contract.

**Anastasia**: Well, _that_ sucks…

**Jean**: Tell me about it. Talk about 'abs of steel'… or in his case, adamantium…

**Rogue**: Well, if you don't want him, I'm takin' Scott.

**Kitty**: It's just like you to, like, take a girl's man without even asking first. No, you just _take, take, take_!

**Rogue**: Are you _still_ whinin' about my fling with the Russian? Can I help it if he happens to be one of the only men in the world I can touch? I'm in love with Remy anyway, so relax.

**Kitty**: Remy only loves your rack.

**Rogue**: That's _so_ not true!

**Kitty**: Oh, my bad… He loves your ass too.

(_Jean leans to host_)

**Jean**: Kitty has rack envy.

(_Anastasia nods understandingly_)

**Anastasia**: If Rogue says he loves her for her personality, I swear I'll split a side.

**Jean**: Ditto.

**Anastasia:** There is a good point being made here, though, ladies and gents. No matter how voluptuous Rogue is drawn, if she can't touch Remy, why does he keep coming back?

**Rogue**: (_applauds_) Amen!

**Jean**: A mystery that has plagued the comic world for decades.

**Kitty**: It's definitely beyond _me_.

**Rogue**: Isn't it obvious? He loves me for my personality.

(_Anastasia blinks twice, looks at Jean, and both burst out laughing_)

**Kitty**: I don't think this is fair. If Rogue wants Scott, I get Remy.

**Rogue**: No way! Gambit wouldn't go for a half-pint like you anyway.

**Kitty**: Why not? He does everything else female. I'll bet he has STD's by now.

**Rogue**: He does not! He's an invincible sex god.

**Jean**: No one's _that_ invincible.

**Rogue**: And he gets checked out every Sunday.

**Anastasia**: AHA! The truth comes out… I swear, I'm better than Barbara Walters.

**Rogue**: I'm tired of bein' degraded here. Let's attack 'Misses Perfect' little _Jean_ for a while.

**Anastasia**: What about?

**Rogue**: Well, for one, she's datin' two men at the same time.

**Jean**: Ro, we've _talked_ about this…!

**Rogue**: Oh, sorry, Sugah… each of her split personalities is datin' one of them at a time.

(_Kitty giggles_)

Kitty: (_sings_) Jean is a schizo, Jean is a schizo…!

**Jean**: I'm taking medication for that! It is not politically correct to make fun of the insane psychos in the cuckoo's nest… such as me.

**Rogue**: Careful, Kat, or she'll lose her temper and go all 'evil' on us again. Don't forget, you're the most expendable one here.

(_Kitty stands up angrily_)

**Kitty**: LIES, I say! I am NOT a side-character! I've had a band named after me! And a fifties cartoon!

**Jean**: If you're not a side character, then explain why you always have a new uniform in every new comic series?

**Rogue**: Or why ya always stay the same age?

**Jean**: Or why you're the first of us to die and _stay_ dead?

**Rogue**: Or why—

**Kitty**: --OKAY! I get it! (_cries_)…Must we be so cruel?

**Rogue**: You started it, sistah. Someone get her some catnip so she'll be cute again.

**Kitty**: I'm _ALWAYS_ _CUTE_!

**Jean:** (_to_ _Rogue_) Give her that point. It's all she's got left.

(_Rogue nods obligingly_)

**Kitty**: NO… I've got Piotr too.

**Rogue**: You can keep him. He was _horrible_ in bed…

(_Silence_)

(_Cricket chirps)_

**Kitty**: (_charging at Rogue_) WHY YOU _LITTLE_--!!!!

**Anastasia**: (_looks at her watch_) Well, looks like we're off for a short commercial break… (_Something breaks behind her_) Someone's _paying_ for that! Alright… when we come back: More with our lovely X-girls and we reveal the scandalous meaning behind the word… 'slushie'? We'll be right back, folks!

-

Wow. I need to lay off the Coke. If any of you have questions you would like to see asked on the show, feel free to throw them at me.  
Signed,  
--RedRogue


	2. XGirls interview, part 2

**-**

**Anastasia**: And we're back!

**Kitty**: Oh God, why?

**Anastasia**: Thanks for enduring the long wait through infinite commercials just to come back to hear more of our rubbish.

**Rogue**: You'll regret it, ya'll.

**Anastasia: **Alright! So, the next question I have for you girls is… wait… I don't know who this question is for. Who's the one of you with the blonde bimbo other woman who's after your man and you always catfight with?

**Kitty, Rogue, and Jean**: Me.

**Anastasia**: You all do?

**Kitty**: I have Emma Frost to worry about.

**Jean:** Me too.

**Rogue**: I got Belladonna Boudreaux. But technically, since Remy's married to her, that would make _me_ the other woman.

**Kitty**: Oh, so you DO have a thing about stealing other girl's men… I get it…

**Jean:** She's just following Remy's fine example.

_(Rogue turns up her nose indignantly)_

**Rogue**: Please Jean, stop defendin' me. You suck at it.

**Jean: **I have a right to complain, with all the 'Rogan' fanfics floating around this site.

**Kitty**: Rogue's a slushie.

**Anastasia**: Oh, thanks for reminding me, Kitty! Why don't you tell us the meaning behind the word 'slushie'? For our viewer's sake.

**Kitty**: A slushie is a girl who has a lot of gay pairing fandom. A slutty/slasher. A slushie.

**Jean**: Kitty is the queen of the slushies.

**Rogue**: It's because she's a side character.

**Kitty:** I AM NOT!

(_Rogue_ _drinks coke. Kitty eats sugar packet._)

**Anastasia**: Positively scandalous. I would think Mystique would be voted the slushie queen.

**Rogue:** They keep the Mystique talk down for my sake. I'm sensitive.

**Kitty**: Mystique's a blueberry slushie.

**Anastasia**: So Rogue, the next question is for you. Kitty gave me this one: You'd be a sex addict if you could touch, wouldn't you?

(_Rogue chokes on her Coke, then shoots Kitty a look_)

**Rogue**: Have ya'll _seen_ my boyfriend?

**Kitty:** That's so totally a 'yes'.

**Rogue:** But I can't touch, and THAT is the biggest tragedy I've ever witnessed.

**Kitty**: Except for when Piotr died, right?

**Rogue**: Screw Piotr! I just wanna get laid!

**Jean:** Ask her, Kitty.

**Kitty**: No!

**Jean**: Ask her!

**Kitty**: Fine. Rogue… why don't you just use saran wrap to solve your untouchable problems?

**Rogue**: (_Scowls_) You disgust me.

**Kitty**: What? It's a viable question!

**Jean**: You can't even spell 'viable'.

**Kitty**: Sure, I can! V… uh… Y…

**Jean**: That's what I thought.

**Anastasia**: So, Kitty, what's this I hear about Piotr turning gay?

_(Jean and Rogue snicker)_

**Kitty**: That was SO totally like, an alternate universe! It's not canon.

_(Jean and Rogue snicker again)_

**Kitty:** I blame Rogue!

**Rogue:** HEY! Can I help it if I'm a little amateurish in the bedroom department? I CAN'T TOUCH PEOPLE, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!

**Jean: **At least you don't lie about it. You admit you suck. I'm proud of you, Rogue.

**Anastasia:** So, back to the blonde bimbo thing. Which one of you turned your bimbo into a diamond and threw her out of a helicopter to shatter into a million pieces?

**Jean**: _(beams proudly)_ That was entirely me.

**Kitty**: I helped!

**Jean**: And Kitty helped. A little.

**Rogue**: God… _Saran wrap_… The nerve!

**Kitty**: Get over it! It was just a suggestion.

**Rogue:** Jailbait!

**Kitty**: 'Other woman'!

**Anastasia**: Ladies! You hurt my ears.

**Jean: **_(Phoenix takes over)_ I'll hurt more than that!

**Anastasia**: What?

**Jean:** _(Normal)_ Nothing!

**Anastasia**: So, Kat. You're supposed to be some sort of genius, correct?

**Jean**: A genius that can't spell viable.

**Kitty:** (_Shoots Jean a look_) Well, I know a _few_ people I'm definitely smarter than…

**Anastasia**: So-- what's the square root of 18,238,495?

**Kitty**: Roughly… 4,270.

_(Cricket chirps)_

**Kitty:** So am I right?

**Anastasia**: Heck if I know! I'm just a host, not a calculator.

**Rogue: **_(to Kitty)_ Show off. You have WAY too much time on your hands.

**Kitty**: You're just jealous.

**Rogue**: Of a slushie, rackless side-character with a backstabbing dragon? I don't think so.

_(Kitty sniffs)_

**Jean:**_ (Comforting Kitty)_ That was a low blow, Rogue.

**Kitty**: Don't, Jean. Rogue's just hurting because Remy can't commit.

**Rogue**: Don't you both act like I'm the _only_ one here with a previously married boyfriend!

**Kitty:** True.

**Jean**: Girl makes a good point.

**Anastasia**: So, Jean… is it true that while you were in your evil Phoenix stage of your life—

**Jean**: --Which one?

**Anastasia**: Uh, I think it was the first one.

**Jean:** Okay.

**Anastasia**: Is it true that you destroyed an entire planet? And that planet was… Superman's Krypton?

(_Audience gasps_)

**Jean**: I was a pawn in the never-ending Marvel/DC wars. It was a sad, cruel time. Old Clarkie is still a bit bitter about it.

**Rogue**: Superman's a bad kisser. Batman's better. Robin's the best of them all.

(_Kitty and Jean roll their eyes_)

**Kitty**: I prefer cuddling with Jack Sparrow myself.

**Rogue**: He's comfy, but he smells and doesn't remember who you are in the morning.

**Kitty:** You whoreish man-stealer!! You slept with him too?

**Rogue**: Jean threw him at me!

(_Kitty pulls Rogue's hair_)

**Rogue**: OW! Why _you_…!

(_Rogue tackles Kitty_)

**Jean**:_ (sings) _Yo ho, yo ho… a pirate's night for them…

**Anastasia:** Whoa! Looks like that's all the time we have for now… Tune in next time on the RedRogue show, when we bring in the men of the X-Men along with the girls, and get their side of things. See ya!

(_Crowd joins in, singing "Yo Ho"…)_

-

**By the way, Jack Sparrow is a fluffy blanket.  
I need professional help. I know this. Please review.  
Signed,  
--RedRogue**


	3. XGirls interview, part 3

**A/N: Kitty… er, I mean, Russia's-little-Kiska missed the author's note last time, so I put it in again for her. So here it is. The author's note. Where the author-- that's me— notes stuff.  
::whistles:: … ::twiddles thumbs::  
Okay, let's get back to the show!**

**-**

**Anastasia**: Alright! Again with the commercials being over and me having to come up with more to say to these Mutie freaks.

**Rogue: **Ex_cuse_ me?

**Anastasia**: You're excused.

**Kitty**: Did you burp, Ro?

**Rogue**: No! She just called us—

**Jean**: Maybe she farted.

**Rogue**: NO! She just called us—

**Kitty**: You can admit it, Ro. We're all about the love here—we won't hold it against you.

**Jean**: Yeah, we ain't tooter-haters!

**Rogue**: But I DIDN'T--

**Anastasia: **Sheesh, she's a _stubborn_ one!

**Kitty and Jean**: Tell me about it.

**Rogue**_ (rolls her eyes and pouts_): Why do I bother?

**Anastasia**: Let's just bring out the boys.

(_Logan, Remy, and Piotr enter. Host waits for applause to die down before speaking.)_

**Anastasia**: Hey guys!

**Logan**: Yo.

**Remy**: Bonjour.

**Piotr**: Zdravstvuite.

**Anastasia**: You do and you clean it up, Pete.

**Piotr**: Da.

**Kitty**: (_Hugs Piotr_) PETEY! (_glares at Rogue_) MY Petey.

**Rogue**: You can have him… I have me a glass of Cajun Comfort right here…

(_Rogue leans for Remy's mouth. Host yanks them apart._)

**Anastasia**: Hey now! None of that!

**Kitty**: Not like you could do that anyway.

**Rogue**: I can't touch people. What's _your_ excuse, half-pint?

**Jean**: Hey you two! What about your agreement?

**Anastasia **(_to audience_): Just to fill you guys in, while we were on commercial break, Kitty and Rogue vowed not to fight anymore.

**Kitty**: We are all about the love!

**Rogue**: That's MY line, and ya'll say it _wrong_ anyway.

**Kitty** (_whines_): Ro's not being 'all about the love'!

**Jean**: Ro….

**Rogue**: Yeah, yeah… (_mutters_) Little snitch…

**Kitty**: I so heard that!

**Jean**: Rogue!

**Rogue**: Jiminy crackers—_FINE_!

**Anastasia**: May I continue with MY _SHOW_ now?

**Rogue**: I'll allow it.

**Anastasia**: Alright… the audience has been dying to hear the boy's side of things. So girls, you are officially commanded to shut up. This is guy time.

(_Girls reluctantly nod._)

**Anastasia**: (blushes) Hi, Remy.

**Remy** (_winks_): Hi dere, cherie.

**Rogue**: HEY--!

**Anastasia**: --Shush! What did I just say about the girls talking? You've had your turn… This is boy time, so don't be rude! Okay, Remy… So how's Belladonna?

**Remy** (_nervously_): She's… she's alright. I wouldn't really know.

**Anastasia**: Yeah, yeah… so you off the ol' ball and chain or what?

**Remy**: (_smiles_) You askin' me if I'm single, Chere?

**Anastasia**: Wanna go out on Saturday? Well… more like Saturday afternoon… or Sunday, whichever's better for you…

**Rogue**: HEY--!

**Anastasia**: --GIRLS NO TALKY!

**Logan**: I already hate this show.

**Anastasia**: Logan, if you got Jean to go out with you, would you be a more cheerful person?

**Logan**: I'll let you know when that happens.

**Remy**: Keep a weather eye for when Hell freezes over.

**Piotr**: Or when Remington can touch dear Rogue.

(_Both Rogue and Remy scowl_)

**Logan**: What, no comeback to that, Gumbo? Score one for the Russian!

**Kitty** (_to Piotr_): I love you.

**Jean**: I think I feel a 'Fastball Special' coming on, (_burps_) Whoops, nope, just the chili dog I had for lunch.

**Anastasia**: GIRLS NO SPEAK! Why don't we all hear what the lovely Remy LeBeau has to say… Remy?

**Remy**: I want to know what be up with de Southerner discrimination? I, for one--

**Logan**: --Bub, we live in America. You're both from Confederate states.

**Anastasia**: Hi? Um… _I'm_ the host. The host says don't interrupt Remy when he's talking.

**Logan**: (_Claws come out_) The host needs to shut up before the guest skewers the host into little host pieces.

(_Host shuts up.)_

**Piotr**: Ah, friend Logan. We must be as Kiska says: "All about the love".

**Rogue**: That's _MY_ LINE!

**Anastasia**: Sheesh, Rogue, lie down before you hurt yourself!

**Remy: **You may lie down next to me…

**Anastasia:** Okay!

(_Goes and sits on Remy's lap_)

**Remy**: Not _who_ or _what_ I had in mind, but okay…

**Anastasia**: So Piotr… You and Kitty have gotten through most of your age differences, huh?

**Piotr**: Uh…

**Rogue**: Wow, that question made him more nervous than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rockin' chairs.

(_Jean gives Rogue a strange look_)

**Rogue**: What?

**Piotr**: Let us say, we still watch out for the politz.

**Anastasia**: Speak English, Captain U.S.S.R., we're in America.

**Logan**: And American's hate Confeds.

**Piotr**: My apologies. I mean to say, the police.

**Anastasia**: Have you two been busted before?

**Kitty**: He did like, a bit of hard time about a year back. He came back a changed man.

**Rogue**: He was in the big house? No wonder he's gay.

**Piotr**: Rogue, I have already proven to you that I am indeed not gay.

**Kitty**: _OOHH_! So, _that's_ why you slept with her! Petey, I was so misunderstanding of your intentions. I thought you actually _liked_ the snob.

**Rogue **(_Cries)_: Me too!

_(Remy wants to go to comfort her but still has host on his lap._)

**Remy**: My leg is losing proper circulation. Kinda hurts.

**Anastasia**: It'll go numb in a minute. And Jean, before we wrap it up… How are you and Scott? Still bound by Comic world contract?

**Jean**: I just don't see how Scooter can get away with cheating on me with Emma—

**Kitty**: _AHEM_!

**Jean**: --Sorry, the "blonde bimbo of whom we do not speak of", while I'm stuck here denying my Canadian here all the time. Let's compare, shall we?

**Logan**: Oh. Lets.

**Jean**: Logan: Amazing fighter. Loyal. Witty. Cunning. Loves me dearly. An animal in bed, (though of anyone asks, I wouldn't know—stupid contract). Anyway, then we have Scott:

**Logan**: Then we have Scott!

**Jean**: Sissy mama's boy...

**Logan**: What a sissy.

**Jean**: Preppy...!

**Logan**: Complete prep.

**Jean**: Stiff...!

**Logan**: The stiffest!

**Jean**: And NOT to mention he FOREVER has a STICK up his--

**Anastasia**: --OKAY! Looks like that's all the time we have for now… We'll go to a quick commercial, but keep it tuned in to have more of this madness.

-

**I've had too much of Kitty's sugar packets. Please review.  
Signed,  
--RedRogue**


End file.
